Portland Thorns goalkeeper Bella Bixby opened up about her struggle with suicidal thoughts in the aftermath of her father’s death by suicide in November 2021.

Bixby shared her story Wednesday on social media platform X. The 27-year-old described her “feelings of grief, and sadness, and anxiety, and dread” after her father’s passing, and how those led to suicidal ideation.

While she was scared to share her thoughts with her family and friends, she soon realized that she “needed to tell someone.”

“The day I told someone, I felt so much more strength to endure it,” she wrote. “I was able to separate myself from those thoughts and push back. I was afraid that speaking about it would give it more power and make it real. But speaking about was the salvation.”

For a while, Bixby remained hesitant to share her experience “in a more public way,” but with Thursday marking her father’s 66th birthday, she decided: “It’s time.”

“I’m sharing this because if I can help one person realize that they need to tell somebody now, even if it’s passive suicidal ideation, it will be worth it,” she wrote. “… Please, tell someone. Your life is worth living, even if your brain is telling you otherwise.”

For anyone looking to help her in commemorating her father’s life and in advocating for suicide prevention, Bixby encouraged donations to The Trevor Project, Mission22, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Oregon chapter, the Oregon Department of Veteran Affairs or the Oregon Wildlife Foundation.

Note: If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or is in emotional distress, call or text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.

The NWSL made one glaring omission from its Player of the Week poll, if you ask Portland Thorns forward Sophia Smith.

For the fifth matchweek, the league’s official Twitter account highlighted Orlando Pride forward Adriana, Kansas City Current forward Debinha, Chicago Red Stars defender Tatumn Milazzo and OL Reign goalkeeper Phallon Tullis-Joyce in its poll on Monday.

Not included? Thorns goalkeeper Bella Bixby, despite her backheel equalizer in stoppage time to steal a standings point for her team. With her goal, Saturday’s match against Angel City FC ended in a 3-3 tie.

“So a goalkeeper scores a back heel and we are just gonna act like that’s a normal occurrence?” Smith tweeted in response to the poll, calling out Bixby’s absence from Player of the Week consideration.

Portland defender Kelli Hubly also joined in, replying to Smith: “You don’t see Bella do this weekly??”

 

Bixby became just the second goalkeeper in NWSL history to get on the scoreboard. She’s still soaking in her accomplishment, as she noted in several tweets of her own on Sunday — one humorous, one poignant.

“I still can’t believe it, but it’s like a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I gotta really absorb it,” Bixby said during her celebratory postgame lap at Portland’s Providence Park.

Even for the NWSL, Saturday night’s match between the Portland Thorns and Angel City featured an extraordinary number of chaotic twists and turns.

And none was bigger than the final play of the game. Trailing 3-2 in the seventh minute of five minutes of stoppage time, Portland Thorns goalkeeper Bella Bixby was sent to the opposing penalty box for a corner kick. Angel City keeper Didi Haracic managed to get her hands on the ball, but when it slipped through her fingers, Bixby made the most of the moment, scoring a backheel goal.

“I still can’t believe it, but it’s like a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I gotta really absorb it,” Bixby said during her celebratory post-game lap at Portland’s Providence Park.

Bixby is the second goalkeeper to score in NWSL history, joining Michelle Betos, who also salvaged a draw in stoppage time while playing for the Thorns in 2015.

With the draw, Portland remains unbeaten in regular season competition (3-0-2) and in first place in the NWSL standings with 11 overall points.

Saturday’s NWSL match was a back-and-forth battle. Eighteen-year-old Alyssa Thompson got Angel City off to an early lead in the 10th minute, scoring her second goal of the 2023 NWSL season. But when new Angel City signee Julie Ertz fouled Crystal Dunn in the box, Thorns midfielder Hina Sugita converted the penalty to draw the Thorns even 1-1.

Morgan Weaver gave Portland a 2-1 lead in the 65th minute, taking advantage of a beautifully placed pass from Olivia Moultrie.

After two quick set-piece goals from Angel City — a Thorns own goal (74′) and Julie Ertz header (79′) — the visitors appeared en route to a 3-2 win.

And then came Bella Bixby’s big moment.

“It was a rollercoaster of emotions,” Thorns coach Mike Norris told The Oregonian. “Angel City came with the energy and we didn’t match that structurally. It was disappointing and we addressed that at halftime and were happy with the second half response.

“We felt we were in control and then two set pieces were costly and we’re chasing the game again. But credit to the group for fighting and keeping composure.”

The 2023 NWSL is shaping up to be one of the most competitive yet, as a new wave of talent enters the league. With the 2023 World Cup taking place in the middle of the NWSL season, expect top internationals to step up their game prior to the tournament and underrated teammates to emerge in their absence.

Let’s take a look at who seems poised for a career year in 2023, as availability ebbs and flows around the international calendar. These are my predictions for the top team and individual awards this NWSL season.

Rookie of the Year: Alyssa Thompson, Angel City FC

Competition for this award will be fierce, with the first two 2023 draft picks — Thompson and Kansas City’s Michelle Cooper — likely to see a fair amount of playing time and a number of late-round gems looking strong in preseason. This award went to a defender last year in San Diego’s Naomi Girma, so I anticipate it swinging back around to an attacker in 2023.

Thompson is the easy choice due to her high-profile entry into the NWSL. The No. 1 pick should have the opportunity to produce as a bigger part of Angel City’s attack due to the injuries they’re carrying along their frontline.

Dark-horse candidate: Messiah Bright, Orlando Pride

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(Harry How/Getty Images)

Defender of the Year: Sarah Gorden, Angel City FC

Sarah Gorden’s return to an NWSL defense is going to feel like a breath of fresh air after a season lost to an ACL tear. The center back plays her position with a freedom of spacing thanks to her blistering speed, which allows her to push forward in distribution while also making key recovery runs. Angel City might need positional flexibility from Gorden as they settle on their defensive personnel at center and outside back, and she’ll take the opportunity and run with it.

Dark-horse candidate: Tierna Davidson, Chicago Red Stars (if she doesn’t make the USWNT roster)

Goalkeeper of the Year: Bella Bixby, Portland Thorns

Kailen Sheridan deservedly won this award last year, but with the Canadian goalkeeper likely absent during the World Cup period, other top performers could rise to the occasion. Bixby has been a consistent presence for the reigning champion Thorns, but sometimes gets overlooked due to the excellence of her backline. If the Thorns make another run at the NWSL Shield, Bixby could finally get some of the individual attention befitting her performances.

Dark-horse candidate: Abby Smith, Gotham FC

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(Jamie Sabau/USA TODAY Sports)

Coach of the Year: Casey Stoney, San Diego Wave

Stoney won Coach of the Year in 2022, and there’s very little reason to think she’d give up the title in 2023. The Wave have constructed their roster to be able to withstand pressure from opponents and take the next step toward controlling tempo and evolving their style of play in Year 2. Stoney also has the challenge of dealing with World Cup absences. If the Wave can both produce top internationals and stay close in the Shield race, expect Stoney to have this one locked up.

Dark-horse candidate: Seb Hines, Orlando Pride

Golden Boot: Mallory Swanson, Chicago Red Stars

Swanson will likely miss a number of games for the World Cup, but with the way she is playing so far this year, it might not matter in the Golden Boot race. Swanson has had the task of being Chicago’s primary goal-scorer and playmaker in recent seasons, notching 11 goals and eight assists in 2022. This season, the Red Stars will rely on her once again as their attacking engine. If she can stay healthy, the clinical finishing she’s been showcasing with the U.S. women’s national team could put her on top.

Dark-horse candidate: Ebony Salmon, Houston Dash

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(Craig Mitchelldyer/USA TODAY Sports)

MVP: Sam Coffey, Portland Thorns

A defensive midfielder has never won NWSL MVP, but if there was ever a year to break the mold, it would be 2023. Coffey has found herself on the outside of the USWNT midfield bubble for this summer’s World Cup, and players who have just missed out on an international opportunity have thrived in the past. In fact, if the U.S. struggles in the midfield on the international stage, Coffey’s excellence at the league level might be thrown into sharp contrast, garnering the attention her position sometimes lacks.

Dark-horse candidate: Midge Purce, Gotham FC

Challenge Cup champion: Orlando Pride

The winner of the Challenge Cup should be a squad best set up to withstand World Cup absences, and the Pride might just fit that bill. Orlando has been in a strategic rebuild over the last few offseasons, and the team’s up-and-coming talent should have significant playing time under their belts by the middle of the regular season. While NWSL Shield contenders have to manage more rotations, teams with their core intact might be able to snag the first Cup of the year.

Dark-horse candidate: Angel City FC

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OL Reign's Jess Fishlock and Laura Harvey (Ira L. Black - Corbis/Getty Images)

NWSL Shield: OL Reign

The Reign play some of the most intricate soccer in the NWSL, and they suffered no real loss of talent over the offseason. The 2022 Shield winners still have room to grow as a squad, including integrating their frontline into the smothering possession-based style of their midfield. They’ll also have to be versatile in handling international absences mid-season, but the Shield rewards consistency, and the Reign are the most consistent club in the league under coach Laura Harvey.

Dark-horse candidate: San Diego Wave

NWSL Champion: Kansas City Current

Unlike the NWSL Shield, winning the NWSL Championship is about peaking at the right time. It might take the Current a few months to begin to gel after an offseason of intense roster reshuffling, but if they can ride the wave of World Cup returners into their best run of form, they’ll be difficult to break down in the postseason. Head coach Matt Potter now has NWSL final experience and should have the tactical ability to keep his group versatile enough to solve any problem.

Dark-horse candidate: Portland Thorns

Claire Watkins is a Staff Writer at Just Women’s Sports. Follow her on Twitter @ScoutRipley.

The Portland Thorns’ road to the title wasn’t easy, on the field or off.

As the team has journeyed to the NWSL championship, they’ve dealt with a myriad of off-field issues. The fallout of Sally Yates’ investigation into systemic abuse in the NWSL, which the club is one of three teams at the center of, continued even as they made their journey in the postseason.

“It’s been a long year and we’re really happy to be in this position and have the opportunity and that we seized the moment,” said the Thorns’ Bella Bixby. “It’s been a hard year for Portland. I think there’s been a lot of external distractions for us and for this to be what we achieved this year means so much to us.

“We’re so happy to bring the trophy home.”

For first-year head coach Rhian Wilkinson, the team’s culture was paramount to continuing to navigate the hardships, which began last year with a report in The Athletic. She called the team’s connection with one another special.

“It’s just about showing up and playing,” she said. “And they did. The second half was really a lot of fun to watch just them doing their thing.”

Focusing on the match, versus the off-field drama that has ensued – which includes calls for owner Merritt Paulson to sell the team – was about staying close to the team, said Bixby. That’s where the culture piece came into play.

“I also think we all love soccer,” said Sophia Smith, who scored the game-winning goal for the Thorns and was named Finals MVP. “For me personally, soccer was an escape from all the things going on. I just look forward to going to practice every day seeing my teammates. That was kind of how I navigated it, is I always had that to look forward to.”

Leaning into the joy of playing soccer was something that the team talked about often, particularly when playing in such a competitive league.

“It’s really easy to go into a game and be stressed and forget that this is a game that’s meant to be loved and meant to be beautiful,” Bixby continued. “So that’s something we always come back to – this is a product of our joy. This year we did our best to step on the field every game and have a blast together.”

Portland Thorns head coach Rhian Wilkinson might have been known by her team this year as the coach that holds the most meetings, but it paid off. Finishing second in the regular season standings, Wilkinson and the Thorns tallied the most goals in the NWSL with 49, ranked first in clean sheets and had the most shots on target per match as they played their way to the NWSL Championship.

The former Portland player, inexplicably to her players, was never nominated for Coach of the Year, but on Saturday, she ended the season with the biggest statement yet. The Thorns claimed their third NWSL title with a 2-0 shutout of the Kansas City Current, and now own the most championships in NWSL history.

Wilkinson achieved all of this in her first season coaching in the NWSL, and as the club was being investigated for its handling of sexual misconduct allegations against former head coach Paul Riley.

“I think it’s bulls–t that she wasn’t up for Coach of the Year,” Thorns forward and 2022 NWSL MVP Sophia Smith said after the final. “To come into a team like this, a club with this reputation, is hard in itself. To come in with all of this happening, all these distractions going on…”

“I keep calling her Coach of the Year,” added goalkeeper Bella Bixby. “I think she’s our Coach of the Year. I think she definitely should have been nominated. I think it’s easy to overlook because historically, this is a successful club. So it’s like, ‘Oh, she inherited a successful team,’ but it’s not easy to come in. … She’s a big part of why we’re here and lifting a trophy.”

Implementing a 4-3-3 formation on Sunday, Wilkinson has never been one to stick to one system. She rotated players through the starting lineup and tried at least three or four different formations throughout the season. That flexibility, Bixby says, has allowed the Thorns to play more freely.

Wilkinson’s intention since taking the job was not to change too much of what former head coach Mark Parsons had built over the past six seasons, but to add her own twist, which included playing the ball out wide more often.

By the time the championship came around, Portland knew how to spread teams apart and how to play in any shape. There was nothing new they had to do to prepare. They just went out and played.

And they dominated.

Sometimes the pressure can be overwhelming in big games like Saturday’s, but Smith, who scored the winning goal four minutes in, genuinely had fun.

“To come in with this team and to implement her style but also take on what we had already built with this club is a really hard thing to do, and I don’t think people give her enough credit for that,” Smith said.

Wilkinson says it helps that her players have been open to trying new things all year.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I continue to. And I hope I don’t hide from them,” she said on Friday. “I think it’s a real testament to this group that they’ve allowed me to come in, and they were extremely successful last year and had a fantastic coach. They’ve allowed me to come in and try things … They could so easily have just turned on me after one mistake and then that would have been it, but instead they gave me great feedback, which I welcome.

“As long as it’s done professionally and with courtesy, I think it has to be a conversation. They’ve been brilliant all season, and I’m really proud of that.”

Part of the journey has been navigating professional relationships with her best friends and former Canada teammates, Thorns general manager Karina LeBlanc and captain Christine Sinclair. Wilkinson kept Sinclair out of the starting lineup for Portland’s semifinal against the San Diego Wave, making it Sinclair’s first playoff game since the league’s inception in 2013 that she wasn’t part of the starting XI.

“We’ve definitely set our boundaries that we are a player and coach, and for right now, that’s it,” Sinclair told Just Women’s Sports earlier this month. “I mean, that sounds so mean, but right now it’s, ‘How can we help the Thorns win and succeed?’”

And that’s just what they did. After the game, Sinclair and her teammates took their shiny new trophy to their champagne-ready locker room, where Bixby cued up the DMX, and the celebrations could be heard loud and clear from where Wilkinson spoke to the media in the press conference room next door.

When Wilkinson was asked to sum up her thoughts into one word following the win, she said “proud.”

“Proud of this group of women who’ve had a year — we’ll just leave it at that — and the way they showed up today,” she said. “I just thought they were fantastic, and I’m a very proud coach today.”

And now, after all she and the Thorns had accomplished this year, there was only one thing she had left to do.

“I want to go to sleep,” she said.

Jessa Braun is a contributing writer at Just Women’s Sports covering the NWSL and USWNT. Follow her on Twitter @jessabraun.

Portland Thorns goalkeeper Bella Bixby penned a poignant letter to fans ahead of the NWSL playoffs asking for their support but also respecting their responses to the latest abuse revelations.

Bixby published the letter via social media Wednesday. The postseason begins Sunday with two first-round matches, but the No. 2 seed Thorns received a bye into the semifinals. They’ll host their playoff opener at 5 p.m. ET on Oct. 23.

“We’d love to have one last party at Providence Park in a few weeks, and we want you there,” Bixby wrote. “Because the club belongs to us.”

The goalkeeper, who debuted for the Thorns in 2020 and has starred for the team in each of the last two seasons, has not shied away from speaking out on issues within the NWSL. That continues with this statement, which comes in the wake of Sally Yates’ blockbuster report for U.S. Soccer on abuse within the league.

The U.S. Soccer report focused on sexual misconduct allegations against three coaches in particular, including former Thorns coach Paul Riley, who led the team for the 2014 and 2015 seasons before he was fired after complaints of sexual harassment and coercion.

Thorns owner Merritt Paulson and former general manager Gavin Wilkinson kept the reasons for Riley’s exit under wraps. When another NWSL team spoke with spoke with Wilkinson about hiring Riley, the general manager said he felt Riley “was put in a bad position by the player” and he “would hire him in a heartbeat,” per the report.

Since the report was released on Oct. 3, Paulson has stepped down as CEO of the Thorns and of his MLS club, the Portland Timbers. Wilkinson, who remains part of the parent club PTFC, and president of business operations Mike Golub also have stepped away from the Thorns.

“I understand that a lot of folks are having a hard time deciding whether or not they want to come to our semifinal match; some have already chosen against it,” Bixby wrote. “I would like to say that I respect anyone’s decision not to come.

“However, if you are on the fence, this is what I offer to you, from a player’s perspective — whether you support the Thorns alone, any other team in the league, or women’s soccer across the globe, we need you now more than ever.”

Bixby makes clear that she understands fans’ varied reactions to the reports of abuse across the NWSL, and she acknowledges the “nuanced and complex situation” fans and players alike are facing.

“To be clear, I’m not arguing that if you don’t come, you don’t love the players — everyone is ultimately going to do what is best for them physically and mentally, and I will be at peace with what anyone decides to do.”

Still, to those fans who are still deciding whether to attend the playoff match, Bixby made her pitch.

“You can view that showing up on game day is an act of solidarity with the women on the field who are time and time again punished for the actions of others,” she wrote. “Ask yourself, for this one game, do you love and support the players more than you hate a front office?”

The Portland Thorns got one step closer to a spot in the NWSL Challenge Cup semifinals with a 3-2 win over San Diego on Sunday.

While the Thorns sit second in Group B with 10 points, three points behind OL Reign, they have the best record out of any second-place team, which puts them in position for the fourth and final spot in the semifinals heading into the final weekend of the group stage.

The Thorns went up by three goals early, with Sophia Smith scoring one in the fourth minute. Rookie Hina Sugita then notched a brace, scoring goals in the 21st and 41st minutes to put the Thorns up 3-0 heading into the half.

“The message at halftime was to hold the standard and not get too comfortable,” said midfielder Sam Coffey. “Then we were flat and didn’t hold up to that standard — the Thorns standard.”

San Diego came out firing after halftime, with Bella Briede scoring her first NWSL goal in the 46th minute. Mere seconds into being subbed onto the field, Taylor Kornieck notched another in the 67th minute.

There were several other chances, including a volley from Alex Morgan that hit the right goal post. Portland’s Bella Bixby had four saves in the win.

“The piece that I am proud of today is that they stuck with it,” Thorns head coach Rhian Wilkinson said. “And to be a winning team, you have to win gritty games as well, and that’s what we did today.”

Portland Thorns goalkeeper Bella Bixby revealed after her team’s 2-0 semifinal loss to the Chicago Red Stars on Sunday that her father died by suicide this week.

“I don’t feel like I owe anyone an explanation, but I do feel like I’m ready to say it,” Bixby wrote on Twitter in the hour after the final whistle. “I’ve surprised myself by how strong I’ve been, but I couldn’t hold it anymore. My playing for this city meant so much to him.”

Bixby played all 90 minutes against the Red Stars. After the game, she broke down in tears and had to be carried off the field by her teammates.

“I think regardless of the outcome tonight, I would’ve broke down — you can only hold it in for so long,” she wrote.

Bixby thanked Portland fans for the “unconditional support” throughout the season. She also thanked the Thorns supporters’ group, the Rose City Riveters, for making her dad an honorary captain Sunday night.

The 25-year-old is a nominee for NWSL Goalkeeper of the Year after a standout season for the Thorns, who entered the playoffs as the top seed after earning the NWSL Shield for the best record during the regular season.

After Bixby’s tweet, support flooded in on Twitter, including from Thorns teammate Becky Sauerbrunn.

Thorns captain Christine Sinclair thanked Rose City for their support and told Bixby in a tweet, “Your father would be so proud of you.”

Head coach Mark Parsons also spoke about Bixby after the game, saying he was “just so sad” for the family.

“Life is more important than sport. Knowing what she’s gone through, her husband and her family has gone through this week, and turning up, if you didn’t know what she was going through, you would have said she was the best Bella Bixby that she’s ever been. I don’t know how she did it,” said Parsons, who coached his last game for the Thorns on Sunday.

“I love who she is, I love the person she continues to grow and develop into. Yeah, we see an amazing player, but this is someone who makes everyone better around them. In the time of such a tragic event, she continued to make other people better around her.

“I’m sorry that this happened to such wonderful people,” he continued before calling her a “lifelong friend” because of how she’s treated and respected him. “We’ve all been there for her and we’ll continue to be there for her.”

Thorns’ goalkeeper Bella Bixby took to Twitter after Portland’s 1-0 win in Houston, encouraging BBVA stadium to reconsider their light show.

Bixby recounted her experience in the Dash’s home stadium, stating that she and other players felt “physically ill” during Saturday’s match.

“For players/fans that are epileptic, are on the autism spectrum (like myself) or have sensory integration disorders, it’s a literal nightmare,” Bixby wrote.

Light shows aren’t unique to BBVA Stadium. Louisville also utilizes the strobing effect for dramatic emphasis during games.

Racing Louisville provides a disclaimer on their website that the stadium’s home-goal celebration “does contain bright, flashing lights that may cause discomfort and/or seizures for those with photosensitive epilepsy.”

The organization offers sensory bags for those with noise sensitivity.

BBVA stadium also provides sensory bags to guests and has a sensory room in the Houston facility. The Houston Dynamo website states that “Dash employees participated in sensory awareness training in order to understand how best to serve fans with unique needs and concerns.”

For Bixby and others, the precautions may not be adequate.

“The light show/strobing at BBVA stadium & Louisville needs to go,” she said.